Archive for the ‘Automotive Humor’ Category
Sunday, April 29th, 2012
The car is one of the most recognizable inventions of the modern era. Without vehicles, we wouldn’t have access to the majority of opportunities we have these days. We wouldn’t be able to see the world, take trips, get from point A to point B in such short time, or live the every day lives we lead. Look back on some of the facts and interesting tidbits about them and its crazy to think how far we have come!
- The first cars did not have steering wheels. Drivers steered with a lever.
- The New York City Police Department used bicycles to pursue speeding motorists in 1898.
- The first speeding ticket was issued in 1902.
- In 1916, 55 percent of the cars in the world were Model T Fords, a record that has never been beaten.
- The first gas gauge appeared in cars in 1922.
- In 1923, 173 new inventions by women for cars had been reported. Among these inventions were a carburetor and an electric engine starter.
- The first car radio was invented in 1929.
- Buick introduced the first electric turn signals in 1938.
- The Peanuts characters were first animated in 1957 for a Ford Fairlaine automobile commercial.
- Most American car horns beep in the key of F.
- The automobile is the most recycled consumer product in the world today.
We can sure be thankful for how far we have come in the world of automobiles. And it sure is neat to look back on the facts!
Contact Atlantic Car Care today with questions or comments!
21 New Bern Street
Wilmington, North Carolina 28403
Thursday, January 19th, 2012
Suzuki auto repair requires complex knowledge and some very specialized equipment.
That is why our Suzuki car repair shop technicians are ASE certified and experts in the field. Our technicians have been factory training and we use the latest computer diagnostic equipment. This high level training and equipment is just one of the ways we ensure your complete satisfaction.
Wilmington N.C. Suzuki Auto Service
Here are some of the reasons to choose us:
Quality Service & Repairs
Technicians Trained in Suzuki Vehicles
Same Day In & Out Service
24 Month 24,000 Mile Warranty on All Repairs*
25+ Years of Experience
Done Right The First Time
No “Guess” Work
The Right Team
Auto Maintenance is Cheaper than Auto Repairs
Nationwide Warranties on Most Auto Repairs
No Warranty “Gotchas”
Suzuki Services We Perform
Make an appointment for your Suzuki today
You won’t be disappointed with our work. We think you’ll be impressed with our customer service. “Give Us One Chance to Earn Your Trust”
Wednesday, December 28th, 2011
Article written by Sam Foley of MSN Autos
The changeover to the new year is an annual opportunity to reflect on, reset and repair those things about your life that have, perhaps, gone awry. Why do we choose New Year’s Day for this arbitrary exercise in self-betterment? Perhaps because we select New Year’s Eve for our yearly exercise in drunken buffoonery and debauchery; there’s nothing like a mind- and body-crushing hangover to inspire life-changing resolutions.
But while most of us pledge to better ourselves, few follow through. According to Psychology Today magazine, research shows that fewer than half of those who make New Year’s resolutions are still sticking to them six months later, and only 10 percent manage their self-discipline for a full year.
Clearly, people need help to be more resolute, and MSN Autos thinks the answer lies in the car, truck or SUV they drive. Focus, resolve and self-discipline help, but they obviously aren’t enough. So we decided to address seven of the most popular New Year’s resolutions and identify the vehicles that could help you make them a reality.
Resolution: Drink Less Alcohol
Vehicle: Volvo S80 | Price: $37,950
Your car shouldn’t be what keeps you sober. But if you do have a drinking problem, and especially if you have a problem with drinking and driving, your vehicle may be a good place to start making a change. There are a variety of Breathalyzer-style ignition locks that keep a car from starting unless you give it a sample of your untainted exhalations — usually they are installed at the request of the courts — but Volvo is the first company to offer such a system as a factory option. Volvo calls it the Alcoguard system, and it is offered in Europe on several models, including the S80, the company’s large luxury sedan. Volvo has the system in limited testing in its American fleet. Alcoguard uses a wireless, fuel-cell tester that will not allow the vehicle to start unless the user has a blood-alcohol level of less than 0.2 grams per liter.
Resolution: Get a better education
Vehicle: Porsche 911 | Price: $85,400
Technically, a car can’t make you smarter. But you can educate yourself on how to drive it better. That’s why Porsche created the Porsche Sport Driving School, which takes place at the Barber Motorsports Park in Birmingham, Ala. The school has one- to three-day courses taught by professional race-car drivers who teach you how to pilot Porsche’s legendary sports cars aggressively around a tough track. Once you graduate, you are given official license to laugh at sports-car neophytes who fishtail their rides every time a curve gets too nasty. You, by contrast, will be heel-and-toe downshifting into turns in your 911, then blasting out of them with the skill of an expert. Such are the benefits of higher education.
Resolution: Get fit, lose weight
Vehicle: Suzuki SX4 Sport | Price: $13,499
The SX4 is definitely a bargain, which could help you with the resolution below. But it won’t seem like one when you’re frequently pushing it to the nearest auto-repair shop. We picked the SX4 for this resolution because it routinely gets one of the lowest reliability ratings in J.D. Power and Associates’ annual reliability study; i.e., it breaks down a lot. Suzuki does offer a stupendous 7-year/100,000-mile powertrain warranty, so hopefully the frequent breakdowns won’t hit you in the pocketbook. But all the walking you’ll be doing while that vehicle is under repair should trim your figure. And the pushing will build leg and upper-body strength.
Resolution: Save money, manage debt
Vehicle: Ford Fiesta | Price: $13,200
There are less expensive cars than the Ford Fiesta, but few seem like a better value. Ford offers plenty of fancy options for those willing to pay extra, without cheating the base trim out of fit-and-finish details such as supportive seats, sound dampening and plenty of airbags for safety, although the base trim doesn’t get standard power windows. Nevertheless, the Fiesta will save you cash in two ways. Its nearly 40-mpg fuel-efficiency rating keeps gas bills down so you can dedicate more of your money to pay off the small loan you took to buy this inexpensive, compact sedan.
Resolution: Take a trip
Vehicle: Toyota Sienna | Price: $25,060
The minivan segment has been engaged in a war of options of late, meaning you can really luxe out one of these grocery-getters for maximum comfort on long road trips. The Sienna is a perfect example. One step up from the base trim gets you automatic sliding doors, seating for up to eight and tri-zone air conditioning. If you totally trick it out, you can get a split moon roof, power liftgate, dynamic cruise control, navigation system and rear-seat DVD entertainment center with dual-view screen. It’s like taking your living room on vacation with you. And the fewer people you carry, the more stuff you can haul — behind the front-row seats is 150 cubic feet of cargo capacity.
Resolution: Reduce, reuse, recycle
Vehicle: 2013 Ford Escape | Price: To be announced
If you’re willing to make resolutions that you don’t have to act on immediately, the next-generation Ford Escape, which will arrive later in 2012, will give you eco-friendly credentials that would make a Prius owner blush. The performance numbers aren’t in yet, but Ford is offering a new 2.0-liter 4-cylinder version of its EcoBoost engine in the new Escape, which is a classic example of having your cake and eating it, too. The V6 version is already on many of its other vehicles, such as the F-150 and Flex. It uses direct injection and turbocharging to give those vehicles the power of a V8 engine, but with the fuel-efficiency of a V6. The new Escape also is baking eco-friendliness into the very core of its materials, using soy-based polyurethane foam in its seating and covering the floor with carpet made from recycled plastic bottles. So buying the Escape is a good place to start your new friendship with planet Earth. The next step is to stop using so many plastic bottles and so much fuel in the first place.
Resolution: Volunteer to help others
Vehicle: Nissan NV | Price: $24,950
There are a million ways to lend a hand to your fellow man, and how you choose to do so is obviously up to you. But everybody is a little more helpful when they have capacious volumes of cargo space to offer. The Nissan NV is obviously built for work, but it speaks to the inner volunteer in everyone. It can be equipped as a traditional van or with a stand-up-inside raised roof. And in the tall-boy cargo-van configuration, the NV offers 323.1 cubic feet of cargo area. Imagine the groceries you could haul to the local food bank. The upcoming NV passenger version of this full-size van can be configured with seating for 12, which can shuttle a lot of octogenarians back and forth from the senior center.
Happy New Year Everyone from Mike Moore and the rest of us at Atlantic Car Care!
Atlantic Car Care
21 New Bern St.
Wilmington, NC 28403
Sunday, July 25th, 2010
An American tourist was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The tourist complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.”
The tourist then asked, “Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?”
The Mexican said, “With this I have more than enough to support my family’s needs.”
The tourist then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life.”
The tourist scoffed, ” I can help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You could leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you could run your ever-expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”
The tourist replied, “15 to 20 years.”
“But what then?” asked the Mexican.
The tourist laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”
The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”
Thursday, March 18th, 2010
It’s March Madness, so we’ve been keeping a list of the funny bumper stickers we see around town. Here are some of our favorites:
- All Men Are Idiots … I Married Their King
- If At First You Do Succeed, Try Not To Look Astonished
- HELP WANTED: Telepath – You Know Where To Apply
- I.R.S.: We’ve Got What It Takes To Take What You’ve Got
- Make It Idiot Proof And Someone Will Make A Better Idiot
- Lottery: A Tax On People Who Are Bad At Math
- Driver Carries No Cash – He’s Married
- I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
- We Have Enough Youth, How About a Fountain of Smart?
- Give Me Ambiguity or Give Me Something Else.
- He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest.
Sunday, February 7th, 2010
Just before you get under the covers, you’ll be visited by walking electric blankets. Dressed in special all-in-one sleeper suits, the bed warmers will roll around in your bed for 5 minutes. They even have a ’sleep doctor’ – Dr Chris Idzikowski, director of the Edinburgh Sleep Centre, to explain the concept.
Dr. Idzikowski explains that sleep starts when body temperature starts to drop. The decline occurs partly because the blood vessels of the hands, face and feet open up and release heat.
He says ”A warm bed – approximately 20 to 24 degrees Celsius – is a good way to start this process whereas a cold bed would inhibit sleep. Holiday Inn’s new bed warmers service should help people achieve a good night’s sleep especially as it’s taking much longer for them to warm up when they come in from the snow.”
The bed warmers will hit the Holiday Inn mattresses at the end of January in London and Manchester.
Dr. Idzikowski is the IHG group’s (which owns the Holiday Inn brand) go-to guy for all things sleep and beds. Last year, he was instrumental in helping launch the Sleep Advantage program for Crowne Plaza Hotels & Resorts. Before that, he worked with IHG to come up with the World’s biggest Bedjump wherein thousands of people jumped on giant beds in Shanghai, Paris, London and New York for over 16 hours
Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010
A few years ago, at a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.”
In response to Bill’s comments, a spokesperson for the automotive industry replied: “If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1) For no reason whatsoever, our cars would crash twice a day. We would simply have to accept this, pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before we could continue.
2) The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.
3) The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
4) Occasionally, at random, our cars would lock us out and refuse to let us in until we simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
5) We’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.
6) We would be constantly pressured to upgrade our cars, and every time an upgraded car was introduced, we would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the new controls would operate in the same manner as the old ones.
7) Finally, we’d all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.
Sunday, January 31st, 2010
What are you waiting, a brake inspection is FREE.
Monday, December 28th, 2009
|Christmas and Cars? Automotive Humor
| Danny passed his driving test this past April, at which time he decided to ask his clergyman father if there was any chance of getting a car for Christmas.
“Okay,” said his father, “I tell you what I’ll do. If you can get your ‘C’ level grades up to ‘A’s and ‘B’s, study your Bible, and get your hair cut, I’ll consider the matter very seriously.’
At the beginning of December, Danny went back to his father who said: “I’m really impressed by your commitment to your studies. Your grades are excellent and the work you have put into your Bible studies is very encouraging. However, I have to say I’m very disappointed that you haven’t had your hair cut yet.”
A smart young man, Danny wasn’t lost for an answer: “Look, Dad. In the course of my Bible studies I’ve noticed in the illustrations that Moses, John the Baptist, Samson and even Jesus had long hair.”
“Yes. I’m aware of that…”, replied his father, “… but did you also notice they walked wherever they went?”
Saturday, October 31st, 2009
In our October newsletter, we shared our first installment of automotive humor. Look for more jokes about car repair, mechanics, and the automobile industry in the months to come. Meanwhile, we hope these two jokes about silly service technicians bring a smile to your face:
Junk in the Trunk
An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners.
He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk.
Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: “Removed bowling ball from trunk.”
The Heart Surgeon and The Mechanic
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car,when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hello Doctor, please come on over here for a minute.”
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic where he stood. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So doctor, look at this here. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ‘em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The doctor smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic: “Try doing it with the engine running!”